[Prime] First Comes Marriage Author Huda Al-Marashi – Cheapnikeshoes.co

It was very interesting and educational to read about the concept of love and marriage from the perspective of an Iraqi American Muslim 3.5 This is one of those books that s hampered by its title First DOESN T come marriage first comes the story of the author s childhood Which is interesting, but not what I expected when I picked up the book.And I m not convinced it s a love story either She seems to come to appreciate her husband, but I m not sure she ends up liking him Also in the acknowledgements, she says This book has made him her husband privy to thoughts no spouse should ever have to see let alone share with the world and yeah She s pretty brutal.Also, it just kind of ends I wanted to know about what happens next. I m not Muslim, but I grew up in a pretty conservative Orthodox Jewish community and there are SO many cultural similarities The constant threat hanging over your head since your early teens that if you don t behave exactly the way they want, you won t get married or will only be offered low quality men the double standards for girls and boys the attempt to marry girls off as soon as legally possible the hypocrisy of preaching modesty in dress because our religion doesn t focus on superficial physical things but you better be a size 2 the pressure to cover your hair resulting sexual dysfunction from years of telling girls not to think about boys being encouraged to be intelligent, capable, and a critical thinker but criticized if you re not doing it in the way the community wants it goes on and on This book dredged up a lot of feelings It was a very painful read I understood exactly where Huda was coming from If you re looking for a glimpse into a mindset that is extremely foreign to the typical American, then definitely give this a read. Interesting culture and religious clash memoir for an arranged Huda s eyes marriage The first 60% was a 4 star by my rating for depicting reality of her life cores and also for my reading enjoyment factors Her type A personality energy and flamboyance in most everything she does in her earliest years, and her parental relationship stories all of it was fun and easy read Prose average and also at the same time brutally honest, IMHO I give her a whole star for that aspect alone Oh you can see the valedictorian push and angst to suffer a B plus instead of a A Not just in school, but in dozens of other familial self placements A stickler for the rules too is saying it lightly But the portion of the book that fell after the marriage and especially after the move to Mexico for her husband s medical schooling Let s just say that the brutal honesty never wavered Her concepts of what she wants are set into her own cognition as a list to adulthood that falls quite similar to the courses you need to complete a degree path Or a mechanical or physical project like sewing or furniture construction for which you need to do steps set into a lengthy directions list But when the project is completed Others call her whiny Oh there s that too, I guess But her biggest flaw is that she gives it out far than she takes it in all the negative rejections and criticisms of personality habits, learning styles, vocal expressions etc between her and her spouse Huda was just checking things off a list to adulthood in getting married Just a guess, but coming from a culture with this similar virgin honor dynamic paranoia you have to begin to understand for the hook up culture cognition it is nearly impossible to perceive this maybe but daily mobility, freedom to accesses, all kinds of other issues like travel and jobs are tied to those allowances of location reality So I think she is also typical Absolutely in the majority of women who are 1st or even 2nd generation they will follow the arrange or strict chaperone only path I know at least 2 myself The last 40% of the book was just about a 3 star at its best Personally, I couldn t understand why she didn t make much of an effort enjoying Mexico with a open mind instead of using it as unlimited time for husband analysis and critique and resenting over all She seemed busy enough but extremely selfish in her treatments to him As if now that she had that item checked off the list, why didn t he just leave her alone Did you notice that throughout this entire book I don t think she mentioned money for all these trips and schools clothes, wedding or living expenses Maybe twice before marriage re outings or some aspect of what to spend for pocket money And afterwards that she fully assumes that tuitions and every major living expense and cost is being covered by the father or husband Only once does she mention the rental change as a kind of after thought In my mind, independence only occurs under any life plan for any coming of age or marriage or adulthood vocation when a person, man OR woman, is able to sustain ONESELF economically All parents of every religion or culture do no favor to children that are never taught this personal responsibility through practice At the end she still is truly looking for the next grad school where she can perform as the big star Huda thinks she knows what she wants Not really But the economics aspects of patriarchal systems for female growing up are worse than the sexual, IMHO They don t teach cause and effect to any individual onus, apart from the gender roles themselves At the end, I found myself almost not liking Huda Looking at her Mother and other familial examples, why does she think cooking or home efforts or any decently done housework is beneath her She clearly does and is insulted at those suggested options or learning some enjoyments for skills and attentions. Some words I came across in other people s reviews of this book are witty, interesting, sweet, poignant, and honest, and all of them perfectly describe this book It was nothing overly dramatic probably because it was real life or metaphorical, but I loved the author s clear simplistic way of telling her story while seasoning her not so typical romance with her sense of humor I did feel pretty bad for her husband and felt like my romance story with my husband had a few similarities me wishing for the ultra romantic things that probably if Seth had done and sometimes he even did do them I wouldn t have appreciated because I m just a cautious, conservative, awkward soul who had no idea how to feel about her new adult relationship Her conservative Muslim, background reminded me so much of my upbringing, though it seems like hers include even do s and don ts than my brand of Christianity did I love the realness of her story and that in the end she stuck it out and pointed the finger at herself for once I expected a bit new resolution and dramatic emotional changes in the end, but I guess she was staying in keeping with the rest of her story and kept it simple, unadorned, and real I hope she s living her dream now And that she meets Jesus That will make the end of her story the best. Huda Al Marashi s debut memoir is a moving, witty, and thoughtful exploration of the contrast between the expectations she had of marriage, based on the contrasting ideas of her Muslim family and American culture in the form of movies and television, and the reality of her own marriage to a boy she d known since she was six years old In spite of being driven and brainy, the author chose to get married before pursuing further education and this decision haunts and affects her perception of her marriage This memoir deconstructs the fictions of love peddled by American pop culture through an intimate and vulnerable personal narrative that also complicates and challenges any misguided view of American Muslims as a monolith. Unfortunately alot of this book is about immature expectations of marriage and whinning about not having it your way On the positive side I appreciate the facr he finally grows up at the end and sees all the blessings she really has and always had I wish there had been positivity but this is her memoir. A Candid, Heartfelt Love Story Set In Contemporary California That Challenges The Idea Of What It Means To Be American, Liberated, And In LoveWhen Huda Meets Hadi, The Boy She Will Ultimately Marry, She Is Six Years Old Both Are The American Born Children Of Iraqi Immigrants, Who Grew Up On Opposite Ends Of California Hadi Considers Huda His Childhood Sweetheart, The First And Only Girl He S Ever Loved, But Huda Needs Proof That She Is Than Just The Girl Hadi S Mother Has Chosen For Her Son She Wants What Many Other American Girls Have The Entertainment Culture S Almost Singular Tale Of Chance Meetings, Defying The Odds, And Falling In Love She Wants Stolen Kisses, Romantic Dates, And A Surprise Proposal As Long As She Has A Grand Love Story, Huda Believes No One Will Question If Her Marriage Has Been Arranged But When Huda And Hadi S Conservative Muslim Families Forbid Them To Go Out Alone Before Their Wedding, Huda Must Navigate Her Way Through The Despair Of Unmet Expectations And Dashed Happily Ever After Ideals Eventually She Comes To Understand The Toll Of Straddling Two Cultures In A Marriage And The Importance Of Reconciling What You Dreamed Of With The Life You Eventually Live Tender, Honest And Irresistibly Compelling, First Comes Marriage Is The First Muslim American Memoir Dedicated To The Themes Of Love And Sexuality Huda And Hadi S Story Brilliantly Circles Around A Series Of Firsts, Chronicling Two Virgins Moving Through Their First Everything First Hand Holding, First Kiss, And First Sexual Encounter First Comes Marriage Is An Almost Unbearably Humanizing Tale That Tucks Into Our Hearts And Lingers In Our Imagination, While Also Challenging Long Standing Taboos Within The Muslim Community And The Romantic Stereotypes We Unknowingly Carry Within Us That Sabotage Some Of Our Best Chances For Finding True Love Hilarious, adorable, honest account of a coming of age as a third culture Iraqi American girl Al Marashi is a brilliant writer whose congeniality shines through the a tale of of unrealistic and girlish expectations in a quest for love Authentic, disarming, and relatable. 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